What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
