I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
