Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
