tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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