Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize