the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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