I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
