i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize