I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
