My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
