just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
