I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
