she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
