All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
