i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
