You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize