1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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