does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
