My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
