I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
