I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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