Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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