He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
