This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
