i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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