His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drunk is not a location!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
