can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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