my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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