Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
