I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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