They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
