Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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