im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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