nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize