they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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