I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
