I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
