If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My vagina just clenched in fear
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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