So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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