So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
