He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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