I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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