i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
