I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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