I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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