I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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