but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
