If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
