WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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