I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
