I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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