i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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