i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
