I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
