just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
