Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
