I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
