Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
