Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
