Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
babies were throwing up all over the place
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
