I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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