She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
