hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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