she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
