NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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