went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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