Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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