I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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